Pushing through


I think this photo sums up how I feel right about now. I  walked to work this morning and my short cut home turned out to be an extra km further ! I want to eat something sweet….I even had Neal come with me to the store so I wouldn’t cave in and buy something evil. I did make the trip to the vending machine today only to find out that it wasn’t stocked during the summer….so no sweets for me.
I had the energy to make dinner….we did the dishes together and are now attempting to watch a film….Looming is the task of making a lunch for tomorrow and I know if I don’t do it ahead of time it’ll never get done…
So I’ll cut it short for tonight !!

Day two of walking to work – complete !


Biggest Loser Knu-Lert Style


The 25th of August marked the one month anniversary of our engagement – which means we are one month closer to exchanging vows. We haven’t set a date yet however I know the daunting task of finding a wedding dress is around the corner and one that cannot be left until the last minute.  Both of our waist lines have grown astronomically and we decided we didn’t want to start our married life with old and bad habits – food habits !! Neal is a chronic snacker and I’m a binge eater – and exercise is a struggle for me. Thus the Biggest Loser Challenge – Knu-Lert style was born. We want to lose 100 lbs – that’s 50 each. The idea is to follow a low gi diet and exercise regularly. We are competing for money, every two weeks we pay each other $10 for each pound lost. The money is to be used to treat ourselves to something we want and otherwise wouldn’t buy.  Money is definitely a motivator for both of us.We had our first weigh in this morning – it was 214 for me and 247 for him.

Today was a good day for me. I walked to and from work – 6 km round trip. I ate a healthy breakfast, lunch and dinner. I made my lunch in prep for work tomorrow !! Yeah me !!! I’ve decided to set mini-goals for myself each week – this week’s goal is to NOT take the bus to or from work. So far 1 day down….I really hope I can do it ! I’m already looking forward to weigh in 🙂 And I’ve been contemplating what I will treat myself to. I’m aiming to lose 2 lbs this week and 2 lbs next week – for a total of $40.  I’m thinking new bras !!!!
On Sunday we took K to church with us. It was her first time at our church and she really liked Sunday School – which I have a feeling was more like a play date than anything else. I didn’t want to go to church, however K’s desire to dress up and wear her new dress from Grandma and Granddad made it impossible to stay home, so off we went. It was a guest speaker who was entertaining and taught us about Evangelism. I was however more moved by some of the music and it reminded me that I’m always trying to do things my way instead of being open and listening for God’s way. God’s way is much easier and way better. He’s got a perfect plan for my imperfect life. This has been reinforced a couple of times today – we watched some Christian programming. I got a lot out of it – and the simple message is – I need to go to God for everything and stop trying to do everything myself. I can’t do it ! And it’s a lot of pressure. SO I dedicate my food and my weight loss to God and I’m doing it for His glory. This time I’m going to be successful and it’s not because I did it – but because God’s power did it.

I have been really craving spiritual nourishment. We watched a couple of religious documentaries tonight. One I highly enjoyed – it was called The Bible vs Joseph Smith. It reiterated some of the apologetics I had learned in the past and was great to watch with Neal as he’s new to apologetics and the bible as a text outside of church. I think it opened his eyes to some things…I love sharing this kind of stuff with him. I have always wanted to date someone who was Christian – it’s beyond my wildest dreams that I would find someone who’d also be open to learning with me.
We have started saying grace at dinner which is a nice thing and a reminder to think  about God in our daily lives. I have started praying more which is something I have never been very consistent at. I’m going to make talking to God my number one priority and everything else will fall into place if it’s God’s will.

Working 9 to 5….7 days a week….


I have to admit I’m a little tired of working !! The drive is just not there…I haven’t had a weekend off in 2 weeks and I’m about ready for my vacation to start. Oh wait – FIVE more sleeps and vacation starts. Can’t wait.


We were both up early this morning and started in on K’s room. It looks great. We had WWW III over this desk that we’d jammed in to the trunk of the car. He wanted to ditch it somewhere. I convinced him to bring it home and then when we did get it home. It was far too big for the space !!! Soooooooooooooooo my lovely boyfriend cut it and made the desk four feet. It’s now perfect. We covered it in a few coats of spray paint and added some butterfly stickers. This morning N also painted the room a lovely lilac color. I love it !! I can’t wait for K to see it !! We just need to make the polka dot curtains and duvet cover as requested and voila – PERFECTION.

What else besides work ?

I applied to Firmoo.com. They have a blogger program – where they send me a free pair of glasses, I test them out and write a blog about it. We’ll see if I get accepted. After all this blog has just been born and doesn’t have many followers YET. *Fingers crossed* on this one !!

My grandmother is still hanging on. I still have to finish her eulogy and I know that I should really get to it, as it will become  much more difficult to write after she passes.

My parents leave for the UAE tomorrow regardless of grandma’s status. They have already postponed returning for two weeks. Who knows how long grandma will hang in there. The funeral has been scheduled for the 11th of August which is convenient for me as I’ll already be at home at that time. My parents will also be back from the UAE at that time.

The major insult of the week was a request from my uncle and aunt to see a copy of my eulogy before hand. As my mom put it “J has her Masters degree and has presented 100’s of times, I’m sure she doesn’t need you to proof read it”. My cousin is also writing something or no wait he’s going to wing it…so they didn’t need to see his. How is that better ?? I’m sure they want to control what I am going to say and to be honest they won’t like what I have to say (when I thank my mother for all her love and support without which grandma would not be as well cared for as she is). It’s the truth !! And grandma had told me in the past that she was thankful for my mother’s help and that without her she could not have stayed in her home as long as she did.

I was very saddened to hear that my Aunt made a comment in front of the minister, who was stopping by to visit grandma. The minister never met grandma before but said something like “I hear she was a very religious woman”. To which my aunt and her husband said “Well unfortunately she didn’t have all her ducks in a row.” I’m not sure what that means !! I get the impression that they think grandma isn’t going to heaven. Well she was not a saint however if grandma doesn’t go to heaven than no one will. My dad said it has something to do with the “dunking” that grandma never did. To that I say Bollocks !!! It’s yet again another group of Christians trying to do “good works” to “earn” their place in  heaven.

“and all our righteous acts are like filthy rags;”  Isaiah 64:6

Sorry folks it can’t be done – there is no earning !! Jesus died for us and that’s the ultimate thing !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Times Flies



It is hard to believe it has been over a week since I have written in my blog. Where does the time go ? “The window, the window, the second story window”.

Let’s see….there has been a lot going on. On Thursday N. paid for the engagement ring. It is now on its way to the jewelers where they are adding gold to make it a size 7.75. Of course since my last blog entry I’ve told everyone – my mom and dad and sister. N had already told his parents and in light of the news felt I could tell mine too. I was thankful because I was busting and there are things we need to get cracking on  !!! Wedding plan being one of them. On the weekend, we made an impromptu trip to Blind River to visit my parents and grandmother.My parents are thrilled and N. has earned the title of P.FSL (prounounced P. FIZIL) which is short for potential favorite son in law. My sister’s husband is FSL. N said he’d be happy to keep the P as he loves the nick name. My dad and him stayed up late the last night we were there and had some Irish Whiskey and some cigars. I had to tell them to get to bed at 1 am. I was worried that overly drunken N. would come out to play and I felt it was too soon in the parental-pfsl relationship for that. Although it seems things were fine. He just talked my dad’s ear off.

N. spent some time with his daughter as his son stood him up. Ahhh yes 15 year olds LOL !! They had made plans to go paint balling around the old mill. When we showed up at his son’s house to pick him up – he was gone away for the weekend camping. N was not happy and very hurt.  He had a chance to catch up with his son by phone this morning. I’m not sure what went down but N was going to use it as a lesson teaching event. I hope he wasn’t too hard on his son and I hope his son was honest with him.  When all else fails JUST BE HONEST !! He is after all a teen and we’ve all made lousy choices like that.

In fact, just yesterday I was thinking how much our mind set changes as we age. I was in the backyard, watering the flowers when I thought I should spray off the paintball residue from the garage and shovels. So I did it. As I did it I thought, wow that’s very motivated of me and what a difference age makes. When I was a younger person, I would have never thought of doing that. And then I started thinking of all the things my parents had to ask me to do – mostly things that I’d NOW do without creating a fuss let alone being asked. Ahhh yes MATURITY !! Is that what it is ? I really don’t know !

The trip was a quick one. Glad to see my parents and glad to see my grandmother one last time. My mom called yesterday to tell us that the doctors said Grandma had 24-48 hours to live. She was dying. I felt some relief as my dad is home and so is my mom. My mom needs my dad’s help to deal with his miserable family. And also a relief to know that Grandma’s suffering will end. The life she leads now is difficult I’m sure, as we don’t really know what goes on inside her head.

When N and his daughter came to visit grandma, grandma was very reactive to N. She said “hello” and mumbled other things. I’m not sure what she said – I wish I knew. I think she recognized Neal or his low voice stimulated her ears in some way. I like to think she knew who he was and I hope she realized that he’s my boyfriend. I think she’d be thrilled for me. I know she would be. The neighbor boy that used to cut her lawn is marrying her favorite granddaughter. WHO KNEW !!!

Last night N and I had a destination determination celebration last night and got no where. Lots of beers consumed !! No new destinations selected. So my sister suggested we go with Denise her travel agent and see what she can come up with. So that’s what I did and am anxiously awaiting some quotes on our dream wedding in Costa Rica. That’s where we want it to be ! We’ll see what she can come up with. *fingers crossed*

Stair Way to Heaven


Image Last night I spoke to my sister on the phone and she gave me a heads up on Grandma K. I quickly called my dad to find out what was up. My parents were supposed to head back to the UAE today but have postponed for two weeks on account of Grandma’s failing health. I think my dad is in denial and trying to avoid the situation. He said he’s been busy doing his “own thing”.  He went to say “hi” or “bye” to his mom last night and again to visit this morning. My mother has been keeping vigil at her bedside so Grandma doesn’t pass away alone. The Church lady has been there to support my mother – to which I am ever so grateful. I just sent her an email to say thank you for being there with my family at this time. My mom needs it !!!

I am very thankful that my parents are in Canada right now and even more thankful that my father will be there to support my mother. Even though it’s not her mother, she still has to deal with his crap a$$ jerk side of the family. They are so hard on my mom when in actuality she’s the one who’s done everything for THEIR mother !! Nice !! Really nice! Class acts!

Grandma is going to be 95 on June 21st. That’s a very old age. For the last 6 years she’s been living in a hospital old age home and has deteriorated drastically. Her last few years have very few days of clarity, she doesn’t talk or do anything, she just sits. It seems she’s having a very hard time breathing and is NOT eating or drinking. This is classic end of days signs for Alzheimer’s patients.

When Grandma was still bright she made it very clear that her funeral wishes were for me to deliver a part of the eulogy. I said I would !! And well it makes sense since I am her favorite grandchild LOL OR rather the one that has taken the most time for her. I really got to know my Grandma and learned from her all the family histories on both sides.

Grandma was a God loving person, a true inspiration to me and my faith. I wish she’d been around longer to really realize the fruits of her labor. I want her to know that I have grown in my faith because of her. I want her to know that I’ve learned a lot of her talents and have all of her crafting things. I want her to know that I have finally met the person I will spend the rest of my life with and that it’s the little neighborhood boy who used to cut her lawn. I want to be able to share with her how much she means to us all and what a great person she is and remind her of all that she’s contributed to the world. Alas the time for that has long gone.

I pray that God will be with her and that when she reaches Heaven all those gone before her will be standing there with open arms. And then she’ll be able to look down and see for herself how much her efforts have turned to gold.

Weekend – what weekend ? Was there a weekend?



I haven’t written in a few days and that’s not because life is without excitement !! I am still riding the huge high about the ring. I can’t wait to see it – I can’t wait until he proposes and puts it on my finger. It’s like this gigantic weight has been lifted off my shoulders – he’s seriously going to marry me. Not that I had any doubts. It just really bothered me that we were living together without being engaged even though I had the promise ring – it just wasn’t the same !!

I find myself looking at the ring CONSTANTLY (see photo on left) !!! I wake up in the night and check it out on my blackberry. We found another ring much like it : http://isadoras.com/9387/art-deco-sapphire-filigree-ring-2/  The stone is the same size and not nearly as shiny (see photo on the right). The filigree is not as nice in my opinion. And the price was $3250 !!

We’ve decided to have the ring appraised as soon as we get it – so we can be sure we got an actual gem stone and not something synthetic. Although the seller on eBay that we purchased the ring from has a 99.4% positive rating with almost 1800 sales under their belt. The one rating that is tarnishing their perfect record is grumbling about the cost of shipping. I’ll wait until I see the ring to fully endorse them however I’ve been nothing but totally impressed. The woman who’s been in contact with me is lovely, polite and prompt. She is also generous in that it’s costing me only $40 to increase the ring size by 2 and it’s by adding gold and not stretching. I did visit some jewelery stores and they said anywhere from $170 to $300. So I think we are getting a FANTASTIC deal !!!!

Friday I decided the house needed a refresher, so I re-arranged the living room/dining and back room. It looks great. I really opened up the living room and there is a clear view through to the window which I love. My boyfriend has moved his tower in to the living room and I’m not happy about it. However a girl must compromise. And I was feeling that I should…

We’d gone on a bike ride and I threw somewhat of a hissy fit which wasn’t nearly as entertaining and the boyfriend’s lovely a$$ over tea kettle spill over a dirt pile. My hissy fit was about the fact that I only wanted to ride on trails -I’m a wimp and if I am going to ride I want it to be fun or I won’t go. Well on the second side trip over grass and non-bike friendly areas I bailed. I was out of there, I announced it, pointed my bike in the opposite direction and pedaled. I decided to keep on bike riding as it was a great day for it and I was enjoying the riding. I did a total of 8 km and 30 minutes. I was happy with that. When I got home, the boyfriend was pouty faced and whining to the neighbor about me LOL He had ridden straight home…I figured he’d have continued on and enjoyed his own ride. I was wrong.

I have been feeling better these days and I think it’s the medication. I am sleeping less and still feel tired however able to do more in a day. I don’t hesitate to do things. It’s great !! I just hope it continues to make me feel good. I have also noticed sometimes I get this weird eye side to side thing. I’ll have to do some reading to see if it’s a side effect or maybe I’m being hypersensitive to side effects ? *shrugs*

Well I’m working hard – we’ve had a lot of follow up visits and it means I worked all day yesterday and four hours today. This morning we were up relatively early. I have saved up enough to take  the week of july 1st off – basically I only need 4 days to take off the whole week. So the boyfriend and I are heading up North for two weeks in July then again in August for one week to see my parents.

We are still waiting for baby mama #2 to get back to us about the child separation agreement. My boyfriend also mentioned that his sister thought he needed a financial agreement so she sent him a copy of hers. Definitely worth a look at !! Although I think we covered it in the other agreement ! We’ll see… there really isn’t anything to divide. Just the proposal payment and child support. Their assets have been divided.

On a side note we scored a lovely free and new microwave on freecycle today !! Wooo hoooo !!

Last night I had a fire and sat outside working through a body image work book – it turns out I need some work in that department. My boyfriend did the quizzes with me and it turns out his image is quite good. I learned a lot about him and myself too. I really have a distorted view and value of my body. We’ll have to work on that.


Time to get cracking here at work…

It’s really really really happening….


Wow!! Wow !! My boyfriend bought my engagement ring tonight !! We were looking at a ring in my ebay watch list and no one had bid on it!! We took a good hard look at it and we decided to go for it! It’s an antique art deco ring circa 1920 – it is a 0.85 carat royal blue sapphire – with intricate filigree in 18 kt white gold. It is unique and I love it. My ring budget was 1600$ but this one went for $350 with shipping 🙂 🙂 🙂 BARGAIN.

We decided to buy it at 1.5 hours before the auction was over! It was us against the clock – time ticked by until 5 minutes left when suddenly someone bid on it. I thought that would happen and secretly hoped I was wrong! I said “okay baby this is it – if it is meant to be we’ll get it !” He said “No more than 400$”. Time ticks on and the longest two minutes pass. At thirty seconds I pushed confirm on my bid and we wait! The countdown to zero and BINGO we got it !

I squealed and jumped on top of him smothering him with kisses. It is a few hours later and I am still a flutter.

I can’t believe it is finally happening and I do NOT mean that he is finally doing it – after all we are just approaching one year together! I mean finally I am going to get married. I met the one AND he wants me too. What we have is so special.

And well he had only saved $300 so I was a long way from a ring !! WRONG – God was smiling down on us once again.

Tomorrow I need to find out my ring size so we can get it re-sized!

Thank you God for your many blessing. How did I get so lucky 🙂

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